Shann's World

Summer Fun

2010-07-28T23:40:00.001-07:00

Where has time gone?

2010-07-28T23:31:00.000-07:00

Ok, well I did not realize how long it has been since I posted my last entry. To explain why....... my baby began walking and now I have four mobile children. Enough said. I have to admit I will not be able to post daily but I will make a very good effort to post weekly.
So much has happened in a years time....

I lost both my grandmothers and an Uncle.
Felt the Lord calling us to homeschool our oldest son
Also feel the Lord strongly leading us to begin a diabetic camp for families.
Praying about adoption
I've been fortunate to have more quality time with my hubby
Helped my parents move out of their home of 35 years
And I am sure there is more that I cannot recall.

I will update how life is going, ask questions and post a survey I am working on.
I will also recommend books that I have read. I know... I am finding time to read again. YEA!

For now, I must close my eyes. Just wanted to let you know I was still here.
Goodnight.

2009-09-03T20:56:00.001-07:00

Don't give up on me! I am super busy with the JDRF Walk on September 26th. I also lost my mammaw this past week. So, I am in a hard time right now.

Please view my letter about the walk and Sam. We would love to have you join us September 26th.

Greetings from Bart and Shannon Millard and Mark and Jade Matlock

We hope you never find yourself writing a letter like we are writing you today. But the reality is the increase of children with type 1 diabetes is growing at an alarming rate. Every 30 seconds someone is diagnosed with diabetes. Diabetes is also the seventh highest reported leading cause of death. Overall, the risk for death among people with diabetes is about twice that of people without
diabetes of similar age. But look at those smiles, Sam and Skye are living positive healthy lives for now, and they need your help to keep smiling.

This year alone, we have come to know seven children in Hunt County with this debilitating disease. We’d like to ask you for your help to bring an end to what Sam, Skye and these other seven children have to deal with everyday and make sure nobody in your family or circle of friends has to worry about diabetes in their future.

Imagine what it was like when the cure for polio, smallpox, the measles and chicken pox were discovered. For many of our children they will never experience any of these diseases, but diabetes could still take them. We are close to having a cure and as parents we are doing everything we can to keep the researchers doing their job every day to find a cure for Sam and Skye and millions of others. Won’t it be exciting to find a cure and know we were able to play a part? Together we can help make history!

The first three years with this disease was challenging. It altered just about every aspect of our lives including church attendance, because his new schedule and the intricacies of balancing diet and insulin were laborious. During the three transition years we started to find our groove. We had learned our “new normal” lifestyle to a point where we felt confident in leaving the house for more than an hour. We did this for five years. Then in July, we began a new lifestyle once again with a new insulin. It’s been another adjustment. Living with diabetes can be a real drag. It never goes away and with an active child like Sam, it makes it difficult to control his blood sugar.

This summer before our insulin change, we took a family vacation to Colorado. We were so excited to “get away “, but quickly realized that the hardships of diabetes still come along on vacations. There is no “getting away”. Time zone changes, excitement and lack of exercise alter body chemistry and blood sugar. So, with theses obstacles in our way, we were faced with a few challenges. Sam’s blood sugar remained high the entire drive there. This means we had lots of potty stops and some aggressive behavior along with the normal every two-hour stops for snacks and food; all of which are not good for car rides. Our drive that should have taken five hours literally took eleven. We encountered some very frustrating moments. Sam has to eat every two hours, so every time we entered a town at the time he needed to eat, our only option was McDonalds. We could not sit down to eat because we were already four hours off schedule from our other stops. Even if we wanted to eat at a nice sit down restaurant, it never came at the appropriate time. We ate McDonalds a total of twelve times in seven days. Isn’t that horrible! Even the little kids were tired of McDonalds. We were so frustrated that diabetes was controlling our vacation and our food intake.
At the end of July, it was time for the change. We were now gaining some freedom in our lifestyle with this insulin switch. This meant we did not have to eat McDonalds every time we saw one because Sam had to eat right then. Now he could go longer than two hours to eat, he just could not go under two hours between meals and snacks. We thought this would change everything. It did help tremendously. However, I guess we subconsciously thought it was the answer to everything and there would be no more issues. Well, during the first week of school, we realized we were wrong. No matter what type of insulin you are on, you are going to have some down right dirty days. Sam had come home from school and was hungry. He ate some of his free foods and had twenty more minutes before snack number two of his day. When he came to me and I had to tell him he had twenty more minutes, all reason left his body. He fell on the floor kicking, and screaming and yelling at me. There was such anger as the words left his mouth. He screamed, “ You NEVER let me eat. You never give my anything. I AM HUNGRY! I just want a snack. Why can’t you just give me some food? You are so mean!” Now say that in the loudest, most angry tone you can muster up and that was Sam on this particular afternoon. I felt horrible for him, for me, for us. I kept saying, “ Lord, why? Why do I have to have so many battles with my child over food? “ I went to my happy place to protect my emotions and remind myself that this was not my Sam. He kicked and screamed and turned around on the floor for at least thirty minutes before falling asleep. These situations are constant, frustrating and make for a long and hard day for everyone in the family. Once Sam ate, he was back to the Sam we all know and love.

Living with Type 1 is more than just 4-5 shots through out the day and endless finger pricks to draw blood. It makes life frustrating (as if it isn’t frustrating enough.) It affects everyone in the family. It affects our everyday choices, our relationships with others, our schedules, our food choices, our family time, schoolwork, concentration, our relationships with each other and our emotions. However, we are so proud of Sam and his ability to manage his diet, let us know when his blood sugar is low, check himself and accept the responsibility and limits this disease brings with it. But that is a lot for a seven year old to deal with, and he knows it isn’t going to end any time soon unless we find a cure.

We believe in the work and integrity of JDRF, they love our children and they want to find that cure. Will you join us?

For the past few years we’ve joined to form the Sam and Skye Walkers, to walk for a cure to end diabetes. Here is how you can help.

We ask you to help us find a cure by sponsoring or joining us on Saturday, Sept. 26,
2009 at Granite Park at 5800 Granite Parkway, Plano, TX 75024 .The Sam and Skye Walkers raised $45,000 including 110 walkers by our side last year! We need your help to make an even bigger impact this year.

Your contribution might make the difference in the one research laboratory where “the cure” will be achieved!

Please join the Sam and Skye Walkers team and/or donate at
http://www.samandskyewalkers.com Everyone who signs up by September 9th to walk will get a free Sam and Skye Walkers t-shirt to wear the day of the walk!

If you prefer to write a check, make payable to JDRF - send to
The Sam and Skye Walkers, PO BOX 166317, Irving, TX 75016-6317.

Please forward this newsletter to your friends. You can also direct them to samandskyewalkers.com for more information. Please ask your organization for a company match for your donation.

Your donation could change the lives of nearly 3 million Americans
and save our kids. Thank you!

Blessings,

Mark and Jade Matlock
Bart and Shannon Millard

Summer Fun

2009-07-01T15:17:00.001-07:00

We love low key summer swim days!!!!

It's been a while

2009-06-26T22:21:00.000-07:00

Well, it seems like it has been a while since I have posted. We have been so busy with the daily summer fun..... workout, swim lessons, naps, some schooling, riding bikes and movie nights. I love summer. It is just a sweet time with family and friends.

WE had our JDRF kick off meeting to try and get everyone excited about the walk and raising funds and awareness for Type 1 Diabetes. The walk is September 26th in Plano if anyone is interested. We would love to have you! I had the priviledge of meeting two families who had just had a child diagnosed with type 1 in January of this year. My heart hurt with them as the tears flowed. I know exactly how they feel. I hope that Bart and I were an encouragement to them to see that it does get better, at least with how you deal with the situation. The night before the meeting I was walking around the house saying under my breath...:I HATE DIABETES!" So, every day is a new day and there will always be good and bad, but the Lord makes the days easier to deal with as the sun rises and sets every morning and evening.

Sam is doing amazingly well with the Lantis. At bedtime if he is high, he has to have two shots instead of one because we cannot mix the two insulins like before. He had never complained about it. THANK YOU LORD!

He is getting really excited about the walk coming up. I love to see the encouragement he receives from this event.

Sophie Kate is sitting up and trying to pull herself across the floor. She needs to slow it down. My sweet baby is growing up fast!
Gracie and Charlie are in swim lessons and today they finally accomplished putting their face in the water. They were so proud of themselves.
I know this is random but I have to be quick tonight. Sorry.

funny sayings

2009-06-21T21:33:00.000-07:00

The kids have given boo boos a new name. The other day Gracie tripped and fell on both her knees. The next day she was looking at her injury and said, " I sure was lucky, I just fell and almost opened my blood holes again."

Last night the kids, my parents and I were at my G.G.'s house going through her things and seeing what we needed to get rid of. There was a large stack of books and I noticed Charlie looking at them. He picked one up, sat on the chair and begin to open it up and read to Gracie. He said, " Now, Jesus said..... he had a horse and we were going to ride it. Then Jesus said....." He went on and on and on. I laughed. One because of what he said and two because no one told him he was really holding a Bible. I love how he just assumes a book is the Bible. He is listening, even if it was about horses. Throughout the night, Gracie and Charlie took turns telling each other the words of the Lord in their version as they read and cooked. It was great!

Then on a sweet note, Gracie told me a couple of times while we were there, that it makes her sad that G.G. had to go to Heaven because she misses her. So, when she is crying, it is because she misses her and daddy when he is away.

On the way home, the kids asked me numerous questions about Heaven and the new earth. I LOVE THESE CONVERSATIONS. It is a great time and a scary time because my words are truth to them and I am laying a foundation for them. I pray I don't screw it up!

I LOVE how kids talk. They are such a blessing to me.

LANTIS

2009-06-21T21:26:00.000-07:00

Ok so the "atlantis" as Sam calls it is going ok. His numbers are running way too high but people have told me it takes a while to get his body adjusted to it. It has been almost a week and Sam is handling it well. He is a little more hungry and trying to sneak here and there, but overall I am pleased. I can see where it is going to help his A1C (average blood sugar) and that is our goal. We want him to be level and not have lots of highs and lows. Sam's blood sugar should be around 80-150 with 150 being perfect. We rarely see that. Just to let you know, his blood sugar was 854 when we got him to Childrens at diagnosis. Thank you mom for saving his life. We were in complete denial and she noticed the signs and forced us to get him to the doctor. I am so thankful because I had no idea someone could die from diabetes. They said we were lucky.
SO, I was really nervous because our new insulin cannot be mixed with the other insulin Sam takes. This means we go from one shot to two shots at the same time if he is high at bedtime. Sam has not complained one time about it. I have been in complete amazement. I just knew I was going to get resistance. He is fine. I am so thankful for that little ray of sunshine in a confusing time.

A Hard Week

2009-06-20T00:22:00.000-07:00

It has been a really tough week for me. I was just broken last weekend over my reactions to Sam when he is low/high or irritable and just with my role as their mother. So, after weeping for a while, repenting and surrendering some things to the Lord, I felt refreshed and forgiven. I have not felt that in a LONG time. I needed to do this in order to face this last week with patience and grace.
We started Sam on his new insulin (Lantis) on Tuesday night. It was not the best night to start because we were at the fair, but every night has a reason for not starting it so I just jumped in with both feet and said," here we go!" A praise would be that he said the new insulin did not burn, which lots of kids say it does. THANK YOU LORD! However, our new struggle is that Sam is sneaking food every once in a while or eating off his siblings plates when his is all gone. He just can't do this! Bart and I have been frustrated, but not as much as our hungry seven year old. His blood sugar is running in the 300-400 range most of the time and no matter what I do, it won't come down. I have no idea why!
We also allowed our kids to go to a Bible school at their grandmama's church because they love VBS. It was a complete nightmare for me. I went and talked to the snack ladies about what he could have and labeled everything, then left. Everyday when Sam got in the car, he would tell me what he had eaten at snack and it was never what I sent, or there was some extra snacks and much more than he could have (according to a seven year old). So, my instinct was to pull him out and not take him back, but he was enjoying it so much I hated to do that. I made it through the week but the whole time kept thinking, "oh yeah, we are not normal." I want to be normal. However, I know that God gave us this situation for a reason and I want it to glorify him so I need to be ok with not being normal. Really, were Christians called to be normal? I think we were called to be "not of this world" and yet we try so hard to be of the world because that is "normal." I have a lot to learn. Anyway, we survived the week. Blood sugars are high, Vacation Bible School is now over and it is on to the next thing. Thank you Lord for walking us through that week and for the hedge of protection over Sam.

A new side of Sam

2009-06-13T21:35:00.000-07:00

So, Sam is growing up and becoming more independent. We are excited in some ways and concerned in others. We went on a camping trip this week with friends and some of the kids on the trip were not sure what Sam really had to live like. We had a couple of hard moments where I had to go to my happy place in order to make it through but we survived. Sam had a hard time with everyone eating more than he was allowed at snack times. It was hard to regulate his siblings to be "like him." Usually I only allow them to have as much as Sam can have. This saves many tears from Sam and frustration for me. However, when there are nine kids running around, it is almost impossible. My other kids would ask them for more food and they would be so sweet to share. Then Sam would come report and scream,"it's not fair! Everyone is so mean to me!" Then I would spend the next thirty minutes trying to talk him through it, only to see it end in him giving me a bad look and stomping off. So, the last day we were driving home from swimming in the lake and his new friend Caleb had a tub of pringles with him in the backseat. Now Sam had already had his snack but was still very hungry and I knew that. So, before I finish I knew exactly what could happen. I was just curious if it really would. Well I dozed off only to be awaken by Bart loudly saying, " are you sneaking pringles?" Sam was crouched down in the backseat having some pringles with his friend. Bart told him he could not do it. It would make him really sick. Then he explained to Caleb not to give him anymore. I know it probably hurt Sam. It hurt me. Not that Bart said it, but that he had to say it. Tears filled my eyes as I sat there thinking, we are repremanding him over food. Why does it have to be this way? IT is so hard! I think this is why we hardly branch out and do things with other people. It is just hard to start over. It is hard to explain and it is hard to face it again. When you are with those who know everything, you feel normal. WE like that. However, it is good to make new friends and the kids love it too. I just have to put on my armour as I enter the situation.

I worry about Sam. I see such anger in his eyes. I pray that he will one day understand that all those no's over food and time and situations and parties were just to protect him. I pray he sees the intense love behind it. Diabetes has stolen my unique bond I had with my firstborn. The day he was diagnosed (November 15, 2004) was the day part of Sam died and along with it our sweet bond). It is very difficult for me to think about. IT was replaced with be being terrified I would kill my son if I did the wrong food count or dosage of insulin. I would panic if he was around candy or cake. I have since calmed down over those things but as he ages, the anger he feels is applied to me. I can take it. I just miss our sweet times together with no boundaries, no "NO'S and no time frames. It was just me and him exploring the world and enjoying every carefree minute of it. I hope one day the light in his eye will return and he will be grateful for all we endured and went through with him.

Dear Lord,
Please help me replace anger with thankfulness, frustration with a sense of calm, bitterness with gratefulness, fear with trust, isolation with community and sadness with joy as we embrace each day's new challenges. Carry me through.
Amen.

Change is here!

2009-06-06T14:28:00.000-07:00

I took Sam to his Children's checkup on Thursday. His A1C was 8.4 which was way better than Bart or I had anticipated. It was still in the "action suggested" area. This just means we need to make some changes. His ideal target range is 7.0 or lower. We have really slacked with Sam's management since my kidney stone trouble and Sophie's illness. To be brutally honest, we didn't even think about Sam's diabetes. WE just went about our day with as little thought about it as possible. I think we have been in a rut also. We have both slacked and given him things more often than we should that are not great for him. I think it is just to feel normal for a little while and pretend we do no have much to deal with.
Anyway, as of Monday night we will be switching to Lantus insulin. I am extremely nervous because when Sam was diagnosed, we had a week to learn. Thursday I got a 30 minute lesson and was sent on my way. YIKES! There is a lot more freedom to come with this schedule, which will be great for our family and hopefully our social life. Change is hard but exciting! I keep reminding myself that the Lord will not give me more than I can handle. I am just afraid the Lord might think I can take on a whole lot and I am not ready for that! Then I think of Matthew 11:28 and I love how the message lays it out......" Come to me. Get away with me and and you'll recover your life. I'll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me- watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won't lay anything heavy on or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you'll learn to live freely and lightly. "
I am in need of laying it all down at Jesus feet and resting with him. We can do this. I just pray it is an easy adjustment. Sam is a little nervous too about the new insulin. The doctor told him that it could sting. I think he has asked me ten times today about it and keeps telling me he does not want that. Please lift us in prayer as we begin a new chapter in our life with diabetes.

List of funny comments from kids

2009-06-04T21:24:00.000-07:00

Yesterday the kids found a toad in the backyard. They brought it up to the garage and kept it in a rubbermaid container all day. At the end of the day I told them they should let him go because we had no food or water for him and he would eventually die. So, Sam decided to let him go (my tender hearted child). He let him out on the driveway and the toad just sat there. This is bad new with three little kids running around. Gracie wanted to ride her bike in circles around the toad and Charlie wanted to hit it. So, I explained to them that it was scared and they could accidently run over it if the toad decided to jump. So they decided to ride up and down the driveway next to it. As Gracie rode off, she said "bye bye froggie. Happy Mother's Day!" How random but funny!

Today Bart made the kids lunch and I made their drinks. I made them some strawberry kool-aid and when Charlie tasted it he said, " mommy, you are the best drinker in the world!" I usually get " you are best cook in the west." He is such a cowboy at heart. I love his sayings!

Then later in the day Gracie was asking me when we could go see sadrun again. I had no idea what she was talking about. After asking her probably ten times and her repeating the same sadrun word over and over. She finally expanded and said the big star in the sky we saw at Lost Pines! Then I realized she meant the planet Saturn. HAHA! The hotel had star gazing one night and they showed us the planet Saturn. Gracie loved it!

YUM! Green Beans!

2009-06-04T21:17:00.000-07:00

Since Sam has diabetes, it is really hard to get the kids to try new foods. Food is the ONLY thing Sam has control over, as far as what he is going to put in his mouth. So, the thought of making my kids one plate of food and letting them go to bed hungry if they didn't eat dinner is out the window because Sam has to eat and has to eat a certain amount of food at each meal. I have become really frustrated by this and trying to figure out how to get them to eat healthier. So, Bart and I came up with a way to make them at least eat one bite. The new rule is you have to eat one full bite of everything on your plate before you can leave the table. It has been working and sometimes they actually like the new food. I think we are on our way to some variety!!!!!!

Now they have a new idea as well. They hold their noses while they eat the things they are not fond of. It works great and we are all happy.

HILARIOUS COMMENT FROM SAM

2009-06-03T21:46:00.000-07:00

We decided the other day to let Gracie decide where we were going to eat. She is in love with quesadillas since discovering them at Taco Cabana on a vacation recently. We do not have a Taco Cabana so we took her to Taco Bueno. We were in the drive thru and we hear Sam in the background trying to pronounce a word. FInally, he said , hey I know what the name of this place is.... it is called "fuh jee tas". We laughed so hard! There was a sign on his side of the car introducing fajitas and he thought it was the name of the restaurant and that it was pronounced fuh jee tahs. It was really funny. We still laugh when we see the word fajitas.

VBS - June 3rd 2009

2009-06-03T21:30:00.000-07:00

Summer is here and Vacation Bible Schools are popping up. I love this and want my kids to really be involved in VBS. I have so many amazing memories from these events. I usually stress about time table and snacks at these events with Sam. Well, once again, the Lord has blessed us with people who go above and beyond. Mrs. Rhonda went to Cosco and bought snacks for the event and she thought about Sam and his needs and got a snack that fell into his 20-25 carb count and then bought Crystal Light to drink. It was amazing to tell him to go to the snack table and pick out which annie bunny bag he wanted. Then he could go and get his own drink. FABULOUS!! It was a good night. There are not words to describe the joy this brings me when I do not have to offer an explanation for why he cannot have something or why it is not time for his snack. Then there is usually the explanation to the other kids on why they have to wait to make it fair to Sam, which we did not have tonight. It was just a good night. Thank you Rhonda.

Tomorrow I take Sam to his routine Children's check-up to see where his A1C falls for three months. It will not be good. He has been all over the place lately. He is up and then an hour later he will be low. This makes for a crummy A1C. (A1C is the average blood sugar number over a three month span) We will be switching to a new insulin in a few weeks. It is called Lantis. I am excited and nervous all at the same time. Please pray all this transition is a smooth one. I will update tomorrow. Nite all.

Blah!!!!

2009-06-03T00:06:00.000-07:00

Well, here I am at 2:00 am and I just finished checking Sam. His blood sugar was 115 at bedtime snack so we thought he would go low during the night. He was in fact low with a blood sugar of 60. This is so hard for many reasons... 1) we have to wake him up to have fifteen carbs of sugar 2) we are now putting sugar straight on his teeth and then sending him back to sleepy land. This really bothers me. What happens when he loses all his teeth because we had to fix his blood sugar so much during the night? A small price to pay for life I guess. He handles it amazingly well. Half the time, he never really wakes up. He just eats what we give him and lays back down. AAHHHH! It just breaks my heart to sit and watch him eat four glucose tablets with his eyes closed; just chewing away. I am thankful it has become easier than it was when he was two. I have to find those positives! Well, I am exhausted and going to bed now. Just wanted to let you know what we Millards do in the middle of the night. Sweet dreams.

5-31-09 Blessed

2009-05-30T21:13:00.001-07:00

Today I was blessed by my friend Amy. Her son was turning seven and they were having a swim party for him. We were suppose to drop our kids off and then pick them up later. I have never been able to do that with Sam due to his diabetes. I was a little nervous but not too bad. Amy and Bryan are dear friends and I knew they would take care of him. So, I sent his meter along with his list of "rules" for the party... when to check him, if he is low, when to recheck him and how much cake he could have and what time he could have it. All that good stuff! Amy was confident and I knew she would be great.
I never worried about him. I went back to pick him up and he was doing great. He had a blast. He had lots of exciting things to tell me. She had gotten him diet coke and water to drink. She had checked him and his blood sugar was 150 (perfect!) and had given him his piece of cake. All was well.
It was such a blessing for her to go above and beyond to have what Sam needed. It was so good to feel "normal" and not pack a big bag for him of "his stuff." We just walked in and off he went. I could have cried it felt so good.
Thank you Amy for allowing us a few moments of normalcy. It was just what I needed today. Thank you Lord for friends who go above and beyond to care for our son. Sweet gifts from the Lord.

Sam finishes First Grade

2009-05-28T10:31:00.000-07:00

Sam has completed first grade and had an awards assembly today in his classroom. His teacher was handing out character awards. So, I went up there to take some pictures and be a proud mom. I had no idea what I was going to hear. Mrs. Simpson was amazing. She had a video of pictures with music of the whole year. Then each kid received an award for a character trait they displayed throughout the year. As she read each trait and then the scripture that went with it, I became emotional. I was overwhelmed with pride and thankfulness to be able to send my children to a school like this where the teachers are consumed with them knowing Christ. What a blessing. So, Sam received the award for self-control. On the back she wrote.." Instant obedience to the initial prompting of God's spirit. Galatians 5:24-25 " And those who are Christ's have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. If we live in the Spirit, let us also walk in the Spirit." I cannot express how proud I was of him at that moment.
I realized also, that he very likely would not receive that award if he didn't have diabetes. This is the one character trait we have focused on because without self-control in his life, he could kill himself with bad choices. There is one little "breadcrumb" for me today. I was thankful he had received something positive from type 1. He is a great kid!

Time to change!

2009-05-26T22:35:00.000-07:00

As I sit here catching up on blogging and facebook and friend's lives, I realize that my life as far as emotions, feelings and thoughts have pretty much stopped since 2004. It was truly the hardest year of my life and it was so hard that I just shut life down as best I could. I just finished reading my friend Mary Beth Chapman's blog and feel the pain she writes about. It is the first anniversary of Maria's passing. Where did that year go? In reading her journal, I realize I have a lot of pain to walk through. I realize that I am paralyzed from lies Satan has crept in, doubt, unbelief to a degree. How did I get here? After my brother died, my moment of truth or lie came and I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that truth was truth. I still believe that 100%, but somewhere on the journey of grief, some doubt crept in. Hmm. Now what? I know that our days are numbered and I know God is sovereign. I know he works all things for good. However, as I have cared for a small diabetic child for five years now, this is where I have begun to struggle. My faith that was once so strong seems to have crumbled some. I never saw it leave, but as I look back, I have somehow allowed Satan to feed me some doubt which I must have sat and thought about long enough to where my heart and head are struggling to match up.
I can say now without a shadow of a doubt that my prayer for my brother was answered the day he left this earth January 3, 2004. I know that he had struggles that he could not win and my prayer was always to please heal him and make him whole. Well, he did. It just was not in my plan for his life. You see, I am learning daily that I need to give up MY PLANS and submit to the Lord's plan. I am thankful that he is whole. I miss him beyond words can express, especially when my daughter asks me to see a picture of him because she just can't remember him. Then when Charlie talks daily about the horses he loves and always picks the black stallion as his favorite.... a little bit of Chris is there. Mary Beth calls them her breadcrumbs and I love that! God gives me some all the time to remember Chris. I really feel I am healing finally for that. Yes there is always those days when it creeps back in and the sinful unbelieving thoughts of "it was my fault, or if only we had ...." come rushing in. However, I have to claim Psalm 139 during those moments.
My biggest struggle is walking down this road of a child with diabetes. We have a new normal lifestyle and it has invaded EVERY aspect of it. I am still extremely angry for being given this situation, however, thankful at the same time that it is a managable disease. I am thankful that he can live a fairly normal life. It is the small daily things that just wipe me out physically, emotionally and spiritually. When we have an argument over a juice box. I sit there thinking, " this is a juice box . I should not have my six year old on the floor crying because I have to tell him he cannot have one." When we are at a birthday party and he gives me that look of hope that maybe just maybe he will get a big piece of cake instead of a bite (with just a little bit of icing). It is not the food that is the issue. How many of us really need a big piece of cake? It is the emotional road it takes us all on of being different or singled out and to have no one like you anywhere to be found. As I type this it reminds me of the verse in Romans 12:2 - Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is - his good, pleasing and perfect will. I certainly need more renewing of the mind. I want to know his good, pleasing and perfect will for life with diabetes and with Him.
However, I have shoved the emotional distress that Type 1 Diabetes brings to me minute by minute so far down in the pit that I don't feel anything anymore. I have watched my relationships change with my children, my husband, my parents, friends, acquaintances, etc. There is an isolation involved that I just can't stand but somehow I put it there. A barrier of protection for me maybe. This is truly the hardest road I have ever been thrown on. I need an avenue to vent and this just may be where it all comes out. I apologize in advance, but I already feel better.
As for some encouraging words.... I can see God receiving his Glory through our hardships. Sam amazes me and I learn from him daily. His self-control is unbelievable. His understanding of his disease is slowly taking root and he handles it most of the time with such grace. Sam told Bart that he didn't know why his daddy was working so hard to find a cure for him because there were a lot of other sick kids out there in the world. WOW! Proud moment for us. What six year old has a worldview like that? What adult would say that? Out of all that came Imagine a Cure that we have started to help find a cure for type 1 diabetes. It also led to some discussions with Compassion Int. about adopting special needs children around the world. They had never really sponsered these kids. Within this last year, Compassion now has children with special needs available to adopt for eight more dollars a month. What a blessing to see that unfold. I am thankful to be a part of something much bigger than me and my six year old and his diabetes. Well, I could write forever but I am falling asleep at the computer. I will try and make this more organized but would like to take you on a journey of climbing out of the pit as I learn to unpack bitterness, grief, doubt, frustration, fear, and unbelief that diabetes brings with it.
For now, goodnight.

a couple more....

2009-05-24T21:55:00.001-07:00

Touring with daddy

2009-05-24T21:47:00.000-07:00

A couple of months ago, we decided to drive and meet daddy on tour. The younger kids have not experienced much of daddy's work. Sam had two years of traveling with daddy so we feel the others need to experience it sometimes. So, we went to Dallas. Then we met our dear friend Seth Montgomery in Louisiana. Whit had gotten sick and could not come. We missed her terribly. The kids had a blast together and here are a few pics of their good times. They ran all over the arena and apparently it is quite dirty because their hands and feet were black. YUCK!

The first pics are of the band kids and the crowd in Dallas. The ones following are in Louisiana.

Dove Awards

2009-05-24T21:44:00.001-07:00

I love spending time with my husband and having a good reason to get a pretty dress.

LOVE THIS!

2009-05-24T21:37:00.000-07:00

If Sam were old enough to use a computer on his own, he would kill me for posting this picture of him. However, he can't and I LOVE THIS! We had been discussing with him recently that it was not fair to his sister that they had to play Star Wars all the time when they were going to play together. So, we were suggesting he play dolls or dress up with her occasionally. Well, Bart and I were in a discussion when all of a sudden a parade of people came through the living room. I was crying I was laughing so hard at how funny they were and how proud I was of Sam. He is a great big brother!

Charlie's ear surgery

2009-05-18T21:17:00.000-07:00

Two days before we left for Austin, Charlie had tubes put in his ears and had his adnoids out. We were nervous about him going under but he did great. He felt uncomfortable for a day but was back up and ready to go the next day. He talks softer now, which is very nice. He had failed his hearing test in both ears and had lost some hearing ability. Plus, he had multiple sinus infections and runny noses and ear infections. We are hoping those are all gone!

Last ones

2009-05-18T21:14:00.000-07:00

More Pics!

2009-05-18T21:08:00.001-07:00

AUSTIN, TX

2009-05-18T20:57:00.001-07:00

We took a quick family trip to Austin. I desperately needed to get away. The house and all the responsibilities were about to overwhelm me. It was just what I needed. I think the kids did too. Enjoy the pictures. Oh and I highly recommend the Hyatt Lost Pines resort. AMAZING!

Gracie is funny!

2009-05-18T20:49:00.000-07:00

On a lighter note, we were on a fun weekend trip to Austin this past week and ended up at Inner Space Cave in Georgetown on our way home. Gracie and I both needed to use the restroom and they were so sweet to bless us with a sign on the door reading," sorry for the inconvenience but our septic system is under construction. Please use port a potty." I was sick. I just do not like those things and neither does Gracie. She is not sure of the blue water and no flushing is odd. Anyway, when I explained to her (as she is crossing her legs in pain) that she had to use this awful thing, she started almost crying and said," I don't want to use the porky potty!!!!" I truly almost wet my pants from laughing.

Catch up!

2009-05-18T09:58:00.000-07:00

Well, it has been a while since I last blogged. So much has happened in the last few months. Sophie recovered from RSV completely at the end of March ( Thank you Lord!), then my grandmother passed away March 21st. After that we had the dove awards and then a big scare with Misti and her health scare. Let me see..... then I think Sophie got RSV again. They did not test her because she is older, but I am almost positive it was and she just recovered from that last week. I have come to believe that this is just the way life is as you get older. I hear more of illness and cancer in people my age and it is quite scary. Is it our American diets, something we breathe in the atmosphere? It is becoming all too common.

For some reason death and illness have surrounded my life since 2004. There has been a break every once in a while, but it has been pretty consistent. You can see where our family has been when you listen to the music Bart writes. Our journey in song almost. As I encounter death and illness with family and friends I realize just how far I have to go in dealing with it all and working through it. I think for five years I have dealt on the surface, but shoved the rest of the pain under the rug because I had three more kids since then. There is no time for grieving.... I have a family to take care of. Anyway, my mammaw is now dying of cancer and it is so hard to watch her slip away. As I walk this road, I am reading Heaven by Randy Alcorn. I constantly sit in amazement at what I have never learned about Heaven and life after this earthly dwelling. If you have not read it, I highly suggest it. The Lord is slowly teaching me that to hide the grief is only robbing me of the blessing of knowing him more. I don't want to miss any more of those blessings.

Here is an insert from Beth Moore's Breaking Free Day by Day....

They will tremble with awe because of all the good and all the peace I will bring about for them.

Jeremiah 33:9

God does not minimize the things that break our hearts. He is not looking down on us, thinking how petty we are because things have hurt us. If we are so "heavenly minded" that we grow out of touch with earthly hardships, we've missed an important priority of Christ. God left our bare feet on the hot pavement of earth so we could grow through our hurts, not ignore and refuse to feel our way through them.

So surrender your hurt to Him, withholding nothing, and invite Him to work miracles from your misery. Be patient and get to know Him through the process of healing.

Dear Lord,

Please tear down bit by bit the walls of fear, unbelief, doubt, skepticism, apathy, pain and grief that I have encircled around me to keep me strong so that I may begin to heal and be blessed from all this misery. Amen.

Funny sayings

2009-04-30T07:11:00.000-07:00

Apparently Gracie is learning the parts of a book at her preschool. She was telling me about them last night and she told me about the title page and the front cover and back cover. Then she pointed to the spine and said" This is the sponge." I tried very hard not to laugh.

A couple of weeks ago Gracie was playing a game with her aunt Darcy. They made up a card game where you had to pick a card and tell where you wanted to go. So, the first card was drawn and Gracie said she wanted to go to Disney World. Then Aunt Darcy picked up a card and said she wanted to go to Bibbity Bobbity Boutique. Then it was Gracie's turn again and she said," I want to go to Heaven and be with Jesus and walk the streets of gold." Hmm. proud mama...... she is listening and soaking it all up.

I love how kids just speak their minds and have wonderful thoughts and questions. Where do we as adults lose our honesty and innocence?

Easter

2009-04-17T22:14:00.000-07:00

We had a quiet Easter this year. I have a feeling they will always be this way now because are families are getting smaller (well my actual family is not). It was tough because my grandmother died a month ago and my mammaw is not doing well either. So, we went to my mom's house for lunch with my parents and Nana and Bob. It was nice. It was the first time we had been to church with Sophie due to illness and RSV. Here are a few pics.

Gracie

2009-04-17T22:09:00.000-07:00

The kids went to their Nana's to paint Easter eggs the day before Easter. When I went to pick them up, Gracie looked me in the eyes and in a serious voice said, " I've been dialing eggs." I had to turn around I was laughing so hard.

Potty Training

2009-04-17T21:59:00.000-07:00

I have officially decided to work on potty training with Charlie now. It is long overdue (on my part). So, today I was at my bootcamp (workout program) and my dad was staying with the kids. I came home and he was laughing and told me that Charlie went poo poo in the potty. YEA! We were so excited. The funny part was that Gracie went with him to cheer him on and then wiped him. Oh I cried. That is funny!

Grammys 2009

2009-04-01T14:21:00.000-07:00

Back in February Bart was nominated for two grammys so we went for the weekend to LA. I love getting dressed up and was very excited about this event. Needless to say, neither Bart or the band won a grammy, but the show was great and we had a good time with friends.

Charlie turned 3 !

2009-04-01T13:58:00.001-07:00

Our little boy turned three Sunday and we had a big birthday party for him. All he wanted to do was ride a horse. So we broke down and got him pony rides for his party. HE LOVED IT !!!!

He wanted to ride mystique and lady the entire time and not share. They taught him how to tell the horse to go and stop. He would hold his hand in the air and yell yee-haw everytime he came by us. It was great!

Then today we took him to Glenda's for lunch and he told them that he had a birthday. Towards the end of the meal he had the waitresses bringing him money for his birthday. He made eight dollars at lunch. He was not sure what to think of that, but loved it. They were so generous. We just laughed at him.

Sophie Kate

2009-03-30T11:18:00.000-07:00

We are finally getting to enjoy our girl.

Funny saying

2009-03-16T18:37:00.000-07:00

We were in the grocery store after a baseball practice tonight and we were hurrying through the store and we all stopped at the same time processing what was playing over the speakers. Then Charlie broke the concentration of everyone by saying, "Hey, that's daddy!!! I love that guy!" He was right. Daddy was singing over the speakers to us in the store. I just laughed and said, " I love that guy too."

Spiders!!!!

2009-03-12T11:32:00.000-07:00

Charlie and Gracie were heading to the pantry to look for a snack when they came across a spider. Charlie had already entered the pantry and Gracie was standing on the outside. The spider, however, was in between them. Charlie finally saw it and began to cry because he felt trapped. Gracie came and got me to kill the spider and when she saw me she said, " Mommy, there is a sister daddy legs by the pantry." I tried not to laugh because she was very serious. Now, I do not like spiders either, but I rose to the occasion, killed the spider and freed Charlie from the pantry. Watch out for those sister daddy legs. They are big!!!

Funny Charlie

2009-03-12T00:06:00.000-07:00

Yesterday we had to go to yet another doctor appointment. We had a sitter coming to stay with Gracie. Charlie was getting ready to go to school when the sitter arrived. He wanted to get some play time in before leaving and I was explaining everything that Gracie would need to the sitter. Charlie looked at me very seriously, pointed his finger at me and said, "Here's the deal, if you will stop talking she can play with me!" I just looked at him and laughed and said, "ok!" How can you say no to that. It was hilarious.

MORE DOCTORS!

2009-03-09T22:34:00.001-07:00

Well, Gracie girl has not felt good for about three weeks now. We are quite concerned about her and the doctor is doing multiple tests on her. Today we went to discuss her situation again and for him to look at her. She was so big! Then he told me that we were going to have to draw blood from her arm. I thought I was going to cry or pass out from the thought of telling her what we had to do. So, I put my big girl panties on and rose to the task at hand. We went to the lab and sat and talked (about everything except why we were there.) They called her name and off we went. They handed us paperwork and then told her she was to sit in a big chair. At this time I told her what we had to do and immediately she started crying and screaming. When I say screaming I mean.... someone is trying to kill me screaming. It was horrible. I had to hold her down as they took blood out of her arm. She screamed at the top of her lungs and kicked until they were done. She got a pink bandage to cover her wound and off we went. When we got home, Sam told her he had prayed for her and had a surprise. She looked at him and then showed him her boo boo and said, " Look Sam, blood fection!!!!" It was so funny. She had heard so much that day but was not sure what was going on. I love the things they come up with. When you think about it, please pray for little Gracie.

a few more

2009-03-09T22:20:00.000-07:00

Last ones!

more pics.

2009-03-09T22:05:00.000-07:00

We fed dophins, ate dinner with Shamu, played on the playground at the resort, Sam climbed a rock wall, went swimming in our clothes in a heated pool (well the kids did) and then the ultimate moment might have been when Charlie walked up crying at the playground and holding his finger up at me telling me to get it off! Whit and I almost threw up when we realized he put his hand in his pants and it was poop! We had a great weekend though and the weather was awesome. We needed a break from our home and illness, even though illness kind of found us again. It still was not at home.

Family weekend to San Antonio

2009-03-09T21:52:00.001-07:00

This weekend we decided to take a quick trip to San Antonio to do something since Bart was going to be out touring during Sam's spring break. The kids wanted to go to Sea World and Gracie wanted to see her "bestest friends in the whole world." So, we called up the Montgomery's and asked them to meet us there. They agreed and off we went. This was a big deal because every time we try and get together, someone gets sick. We were all so excited. About half way on our trip, Gracie said she did not feel good. OH NO!!!! By Friday night, she was in and out... one minute she was fine, the next she felt yucky.

We made it to Sea World. It was interesting to watch the kids. Poor Gracie was so excited to be with her friends and she felt horrible! She had a fever I know all day (what a horrible place to feel bad) but the thermometer said otherwise. So, we went on. It turned out that I held Gracie most of the day while Jadyn chased Sam and Cady and Charlie were a pair. I think they became boyfriend and girlfriend before we left. HAHA. It was hilarous. Cady took care of Charlie and Jadyn punched Sam. They had a blast.

It was a great time with our precious friends. We are already talking about our next trip. Here are some pics of a good weekend.

FYI. If you are ever in San Antonio, I highly suggest the Hyatt Hill Country. IT is amazing.

A new name

2009-03-05T22:27:00.000-08:00

Gracie was walking to the pantry to get herself a snack yesterday and she saw a spider by the door. She stopped and started yelling, "help, there is a sister daddy legs in here!" I tried so hard not to laugh. It was so hard to keep my composure when she was so serious about the name. So from now on spiders in our home are called sister daddy legs instead of daddy long legs. SO FUNNY!

Girl Time!

2009-03-04T21:39:00.000-08:00

Bart and Mike were playing in Nashville for a friend of ours memorial, so Abby and I decided we would take the girls for an overnight trip. They can always use some special time. So we rode the bus to Nashville and spent the day with the girls at the mall doing what big and little girls LOVE to do......shop. So, here are some pics of our special day. It was great!

The Three Amigos

2009-02-28T21:52:00.000-08:00

Here, finally all together, after a lot of illness (from little Sophie) introducing.......THE THREE AMIGOS!

Millie Goodman - 12-9-08

Owen Cochran - 12-12-08

Sophie Millard - 12-11-08

They were all born the same week. How crazy is that! We just know they are going to be great friends.

2009-02-28T07:02:00.000-08:00

Grandparents are GREAT!

2009-02-28T06:54:00.000-08:00

My little helpers. They love giving Sophie a bottle every once in a while. She doesn't mind either.

2009-02-27T22:29:00.000-08:00

There are three young men in my house that are in love with a little girl by the name of Sophie.

I think she likes them too. She is definitely going to be well protected.

2009-02-27T22:24:00.000-08:00

Gracie has already begun to get Sophie ready for lots of girl fun. She is so excited that there will be someone else to play dress up, make-up, home and beauty salon with. I think Sophie enjoyed this.

2009-02-27T21:31:00.000-08:00

Grandmama is a good sport and such a fun playmate.

Sophie Kate

2009-02-27T21:15:00.001-08:00

First smile. She is so stinkin sweet.

Gracie and Sam

2009-02-26T22:10:00.000-08:00

I have to share this story because it was very entertaining to me. Earlier this week I was getting ready to read the kids a bedtime story and as I was opening the Bible Story book, Gracie randomly asked me if Satan ever lived in Heaven. I told her yes but he was kicked out of Heaven for disobeying God. Then in her precious 4 year old thought process, she asked how he was kicked out of Heaven. " Did he just fall out of the sky?" I did not have the exact answer for her which is always great. Then she asked if Satan was a boy or a girl. I told her I was not exactly sure but I assumed a boy. Sam then says, " OH! He is a boy because he has a beard. ??? This was confusing so I asked him how he knew that. He said there was a picture of him in his Bible and he had a beard. I told him to go and get his Bible because I wanted to see it. So he did and he turned to the page where Jesus is being handed over to the people and they want Barabbas. I told him he was mistaken and that it was Barabbas. He refused to agree and so I told him to go ask daddy. He did and daddy said the same thing. So, he came back and told me that daddy had agreed with him that it was Satan. I then read the story to him and since he can read I pointed out Barabbas's name. He just smiled that "Oh dang, I am wrong" smile. It was a great moment.

The next day Sam had gone to play with his friend, Will McCullough after school. Scott brought him back and the kids were all playing outside. Now, Charlie LOVES Mr. Scott and will follow him wherever he goes. He asked Scott to sit down and play horses with him. Scott was nice to agree. Then he kept on asking him to play every time Scott tried to get up. So, I thought I would distract him and show him the cows across the street and how they had new babies. BACKFIRE! He then begged Mr. Scott to take him over to see them. Scott being the nice guy he is agreed. I sat there in shock. It was not a quick walk over. So Scott, Charlie and Gracie went to see the new cows. Scott later told me that they had to stop and pick some flowers on the way back. This is Gracie's favorite thing to do outside. She gets it from me. I love flowers. So, she told Scott, " We have to stop and get some purple flowers for my mommy because she is my best friend." WOW! Does it get any better than that? I loved this moment.

Charlie

2009-02-26T05:47:00.000-08:00

We found Charlie singing yesterday while playing outside. He is singing Eye of the Tiger!

Charlie

2009-02-25T17:38:00.000-08:00

We were driving in the car the other night as a family in our pjs (we had a lazy day) and we were going to go to the Sonic or a drive thru and get dinner. After dinner we just drove around because we have been in our home for nine weeks straight due to so much illness. Well, the kids decided they wanted to go in somewhere and get out of the car. Bart proceeded to tell them that no one had the right clothes on and no one brought shoes. So, Charlie responds with " Well, I have toes. Let's get out!" He thought that his toes were sufficient enough to get out of the car. FUNNY!

1st Valentines

2009-02-22T07:42:00.001-08:00

On Sophie's first Valentines we had to send her to Grandmama's and papas house to protect her from the flu. It was a very hard thing to do but knew it was the best thing for her. It is amazing what you can endure when it comes to your children.

Grammys 2009

2009-02-21T13:46:00.000-08:00

We had the privilege to attend the 2009 Grammys because MercyMe and Bart were nominated for an award. Unfortunately they did not win, however we had fun and it was a great show!!
It was really hard for me because I was still wiped out from our hospital stay and it was hard to leave Sophie. Plus, I am nursing so pumping at the Grammys in an evening gown brings on a huge new list of challenges. It made for some really funny stories!

More pics of Sophie and RV

2009-02-21T07:17:00.000-08:00

Here are more pictures of Sophie in ICU and then one of us leaving to go home. Praise God!!!

A Critical Time

2009-02-20T15:59:00.000-08:00

Little Sophie was only six weeks old when her brothers brought RSV home to her. We had kept her in the house for six weeks trying to protect her and never thought about the older kids bringing something home to her. We watched her like a hawk and she just seemed to have a cold. We noticed her cold on Thursday night. Friday she slept a lot and literally coughed twice. The cough was a bark type cough and that was the only alarming thing to us. She never had a fever. By Friday night she had so much mucas that she could not lay down because she sounded like she was drowning and was really struggling. We were still unsure what was going on due to the obscure signs of the virus. We called the on call doctor and was blown off (another story) so I stayed up all night trying to research web MD to see if you could be without a lot of symptoms and still have RSV. We knew something was terribly wrong though. By Saturday morning she was lethargic and not eating much and struggling to breathe. I called a doctor friend and she gave me different signs to watch for to let us know of her labored breathing. She decided after we saw three out of the four signs that we should go to Children's with her. We debated taking her to the ER on Friday night but could not decide whether to go to Children's or Rockwall. With three other kids at home we did not want to go too far. However, Children's was the best place for her. So off we went to Children's in Plano. It was awesome and new. They were great but after three days Sophie was much worse and they had not opened their ICU yet. So they transferred us to Children's in Dallas. We were in the hospital a total of seven days, which felt like forever. It was such an emotional time. I think Bart and I averaged 21 hours of sleep in seven days. I have never been so tired in my life! I am still getting over that two weeks later. The Lord was gracious and is healing little Sophie. We are so grateful. Through all of this difficult time, friends poured out prayers and scripture over us. We felt every bit of it and cannot give enough thanks for it.

Doc. Visit

2009-02-20T14:02:00.000-08:00

We took Charlie and Sophie to the doctor today to check on his ears and her cold. We were sitting in the waiting room and there was a little boy sitting at the kid table. Charlie told me he wanted to go over and sit with him. I told him that would be fine. So, he went and sat down and the kid looked at him and said... "NO get away from me!" WOW! All three of us were shocked. Charlie came over and sat back in his chair next to me heartbroken. Bart and I tried to cheer him up but it took a while. He just sat there looking at the little boy confused.

Then during the doctor visit, Bart had to hold Charlie down while Dr. J looked in his ears. He was kicking and screaming and saying "I want my sucker!" It was so funny.

Charlie

2009-02-18T17:10:00.001-08:00

We were sitting at a drive thru today and it was a nice day so we had the windows down. A man walked by our car and Charlie said hi! The man smiled and said hello back to Charlie. Then Charlie looked back at us and said.."That's a nice kid." HILARIOUS!

Later that day we went to the park and Charlie climbed on top of the big slide and yelled.. "California here I come!" It was so random, yet funny.

Gracie's charm

2009-02-18T07:14:00.000-08:00

Last night Gracie did not want to sleep in her bed. I am the "mean" one in the family and told her sorry. She was told she is safe, we are here with her in the same house and most importantly God is watching over her. For some reason that was not enough. She started to cry and then the tears rolled. Since the big storm came through a week ago, she has had trouble going to sleep. I am so thankful the storms always come at bedtime!!! Anyway, I had to put Sophie down for bed so I told her I would get daddy to come see her. It was a way to at least hope she would just fall asleep while waiting. NOPE! She waited on daddy, then really upped the charm.

She asked daddy if she was his princess. Daddy says, "of course you are. You are my favorite princess. " Then she proceeded to bring on crocodile tears and looked him in the eyes and said, "Then daddy I just can't do this!" Next thing I know, here he comes with Gracie in his arms and said, " she just broke my heart." So, Gracie and Sam ended up sleeping on the couch together last night. When Bart told her goodnight and he loved her she replied, " Daddy...... I really love you!"

SUCKER! Oh but how sweet it is! How could anyone say no to that?! Sweet girl!

PINK EYE

2009-02-18T07:11:00.000-08:00

Charlie has pink eye and he does not like the drops. So we have to get creative during drop time. The funny thing is every time we say blink, he nods his head up and down. It cracks us up!

Out of Town

2009-02-16T23:02:00.000-08:00

Ok so today Gracie comes home from ballet and has a 99.1 fever. We were bummed but expected it. Then at the same time Charlie woke up from his nap and his right eye was very red and watery. So now we have one withthe flu, one uncertain and one with pink eye. GREAT! Bart and I looked at one another and said...."forget it! The germs are everywhere right! " So we all piled into the car and drove to Rockwall for dinner. It felt so good to be out as a family. It has been nine weeks. I know it was probably not the right thing to do, but if you could see us you would understand we needed this for our sanity.

On the way there Charlie saw a water tower and yelled.." Look a water mountain!"

On the way home we were blessed with Charlie and Gracie's singing of Walking in the light of love. What a sweet moment.

Our Little Gift

2009-02-16T13:02:00.000-08:00

Here is our sweet little gift for Christmas. We are so thankful for little Sophie. God is so good to us. I pray I will be a mom whom she will feel is her best friend, a godly role model and just a lot of fun to be with.

more pics.

2009-02-16T12:54:00.001-08:00

Sophie Kate

2009-02-16T12:45:00.000-08:00

Here is Sophie! She was born December 11th. She weighed 7 lbs. and was 21 inches. We are so proud of her! Our sweet Christmas gift.

Sam's finger

2009-02-15T09:55:00.000-08:00

Sam and his broken finger (and sewn on finger nail. OUCH!)

Millards Life

2009-02-14T21:09:00.001-08:00

2009 has had an interesting start! We have a beautiful baby girl, I had a wonderful two day vacation with my hubby to Nashville to do some work and visit friends.. only to come home to Sam with a broken finger, then Charlie had another febrile seizure which led to RSV, then Sam had RSV which led to Sophie with RSV and then a seven day hospital stay. Then when we came home from that trauma Sam got the stomach bug (not good for a diabetic) and now we are dealing with the flu. WHEW! Needless to say the Millards are TIRED!

We are trusting that the Lord really will only give us what we can handle. The problem with that is I think he believes we can handle a lot. I just keep quoting Proverbs 3:5-6 in my head over and over. Trust in the Lord with all thine heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight. I pray that after the flu, we would receive a break and just be able to enjoy one another. far....

More JDRF.......

2009-01-11T21:56:00.000-08:00

I wanted to post these pics too so you could enjoy them.

Pregnant Pic

2009-01-11T21:40:00.001-08:00

I found out I was pregnant with our fourth child in April of 2008. We were so excited. I prayed and prayed we would have a girl so Gracie could have a sister. The Lord was gracious and gave us baby Sophie on December 11th. So, here is a picture of me pregnant and then of little Sophie Kate.

JDRF Walk

2009-01-11T21:38:00.000-08:00

I forgot to tell you that together with the Matlocks and all our friends and family.... we raised over $44,000.00 for Diabetes Research for Type 1. YEA!!!! Amazing job!

JDRF Walk

2009-01-11T21:15:00.000-08:00

Since I have been pregnant this year, I have slacked on blogging. So sorry. I am going to do some quick updates. In September, we had our second walk to cure Diabetes in Plano. We had an amazing turnout. One hundred and ten walkers joined our team.... THE SAM AND SKYEWALKERS. We were completely overwhelmed at the support of so many friends and family. It truly inspires Sam and he will tell you this is his favorite thing to do. It makes him feel so good to see people out walking to help find a cure for him. In the day to day hardships that come with this disease, it is nice to see how God can bless you through it. We see his hand in all the details of Sam's disease and are beginning to see how God is using his disease to bring himself glory. Here are some pics from our walk. IF you didn't join us this year, consider it for next year. I believe it is Sept. 26th (but don't quote me).

MY FAMILY

2008-10-24T21:24:00.000-07:00

We had some pictures taken of our family before little Sophie arrives. This is one of my favorites. The kids did so good and the photographer was so patient and had a good eye. I am so thankful for the family God has given me. I feel blessed to say the least.

YEA! IT'S FALL!!! TIME FOR PUMPKINS!

2008-10-23T08:42:00.000-07:00

Fall is my absolute favorite time of the year. The air is cooler and actually smells cleaner. The leaves turn beautiful colors and fall; which is fun to play in. Pumpkins are everywhere. It just puts me in such a good mood. I am still amazed after 33 years to see how God's creation praises him continuously through simple processes like leaves changing colors at their expected time. It is amazing. God is so big and I love to share with my kids how he orchestrated the seasons and how even the trees praise him just by changing colors. Take time to stop and truly enjoy his creation today. It is truly a stunning thing to try and grasp in our small little minds. Thank you Lord for our beautiful world. Help us never to take it for granted and to always see you in your creation.

For since the creation of the world God's invisible qualities -his eternal power and divine nature - have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that men are without excuse. Romans 1:20

Here are our little pumpkins!!!!!

DISNEY WORLD!!!!

2008-10-23T07:58:00.000-07:00

I am a little behind in my blogging. We have been SO busy since the first of September. We were able to travel with Bart in September to Disney World. The kids absolutely loved it and what was even better was that a couple of our friends were able to join us this year. We love to go during hurricane season because there is hardly anyone there. Works out great as long as you don't mind a little rain every now and then. I was seven months pregnant with Sophie so I had to ride a scooter. VERY HUMBLING! However, I felt great at the end of the day and I was very thankful for my scooter. If you have never been to Disney, save your pennies!!!! It is worth every bit of it and I don't know how they do it but even adults become kids again. Here are some pics of our vacation and as they say at Disney, "Have a magical day!"

The Healing Begins!

2008-10-06T21:14:00.000-07:00

Charlie is feeling better and beginning to heal. Thank you Lord!

PIC

2008-10-06T21:12:00.001-07:00

Here he is at LakePointe ER.

UH OH!!!!

2008-10-06T20:53:00.000-07:00

Well, when we got back from Indianapolis, we had an accident. Charlie fell off the couch and onto the coffee table in Bart's office. Oh my blood was EVERYWHERE! So for an hour and a half, Bart and I discussed whether or not he needed to go to the emergency room. I decided I didn't want a big scar across his head so I wanted to take him, not to mention he was still bleeding a lot after two hours. So, off we went to the wonderful Greenville Emergency Room. We waited two hours with blood running down his face and after two hours I left. Come on, he is two! They told me it would be another two and a half to three hours because there were five people in front of us. They really need a better system. So, I decided I could be seen quicker at LakePointe. I was right!!!! We were glued and ready to go in one hour. I was so thankful they decided on glue and not stitches. I was also thankful my wonderful husband was there to hold him down. So, we have decided he might be our accident/dare devil child who will see the ER a couple of times in his lifetime. I hope he proves us wrong. The glue stayed on for three weeks and he would point to his boo boo when he saw someone and say, " I hurt my head. wwight hewer. " He knew exactly where it was and knew he was not suppose to touch it. Such a good boy!

Picture of Bob Tasca III Team and Sam's car

2008-10-06T20:47:00.000-07:00

Here is the entire team with Sam and his race car!!!! How cool is that?!!

BIG DAY!

2008-10-06T20:32:00.001-07:00

Wow. We have been so busy and I am way behind in my blogging world. So sorry. I will try and catch up quickly. In August we were notified that Sam had won a contest he entered through JDRF (Juvenile Diabetes Research Foundation) and FORD. We were all very excited. He had to design a race car. We were so proud of him!!! So, after winning the contest, which he raised $6801.00 towards research for Juvenile Diabetes, we were flown to Indianapolis to see the actual race car with his design, meet the driver and watch the driver (Bob Tasca III) qualify. It was an amazing experience for us all. The people could not have been nicer and they treated Sam like a celebrity. He loved it! Actually, he loved playing with Bob's six year old son more. We were there for three days and had some great family time with him as well as a wonderful experience. Here are some pics of his car and our trip. GO BOB!!!!

Here is the limo and sassy girl fun!

2008-08-03T21:40:00.001-07:00

This was a little girl's dream! Even Sam and Charlie enjoyed the ride. They were not up for the pampering once we reached the store, but the limo was a huge hit for the boys. The girls loved all of it. Every little girl needs a little special time every once in a while and this was definitely theirs.

Fun in Houston!!!!

2008-08-03T21:05:00.001-07:00

We just had the most relaxing and wonderful time with our dear friends, the Montgomery's. We treasure their friendship so much and thank God for putting them in our lives. The kids were amazing and played together so well. You would think they see each other all the time. Whitney planned a special day for the girls and I truly think it was the best day of Gracie's life. She has not smiled that big and that much ever. Thank you Whit. I just had to share some photos of the pink limo that took us around Houston. I have to say, Whitney and I enjoyed it just as much as they did. Good times!!!

Phillipians 1:3- I thank my God upon every remembrance of you.

Happy 4th of July !!!!

2008-07-06T12:22:00.000-07:00

Happy 4th! This is a special time for us. We began a tradition when Sam was one by putting him in our town parade. Our kids look forward to it now and absolutely love it! They decorate whatever vehicle they are going to ride in and they wear their red, white and blue to support our country. We are so proud to live in America and feel truly blessed to have the freedoms we have. However, this is my chance to beg each of you reading to begin praying for our next election. My heart and my spirit are very uneasy about Obama leading our country. I feel he is sneaky, hiding things and is too much of a smooth talker. You always need to watch smooth talkers that tell you everything you want to hear. I cannot believe Americans are being blinded to the fact he himself has stated that he does not support the American flag. WHAT IS THAT? Have we lost our sense of pride and appreciation for our country? Our country was founded on Godly principles and we believers need to start taking a stand. I feel we are in for a huge awakening if Obama takes office. Our freedom to pray and have the ten commandments in government places have already been taken away from schools and government. We just sit back thinking there is nothing we can do. If Obama takes office we will lose a lot more. I have read enough to know that he has some tie to Muslims and his pastor, whom he sat under, stated his issues with whites and the American government. Is that not alarming to anyone? I am sure Moses was unsure of his ability to part the red sea with just a staff in his hand, and I bet Joshua had a thought or two pass through his mind that there was no way the walls were going to fall with a few people marching around the city. However, they trusted the Lord and obeyed his instructions. We have the word of God to look to and should know that biblical truth does not line up with Obama's truths. Therefore, we should be fighting with all we have to save our country; which we are losing pieces of everyday to immorality and just the value of human life. If not for our generation... for our kids generation. Ok I think I am done with my political soap box. I get a little fired up about this issue. HAPPY FOURTH!!!!!!!!

Rain Rain Come Today!!!!!!!

2008-07-06T11:59:00.000-07:00

About two weeks ago we had a big rainstorm. The kids love to play in the rain with their umbrellas and rain boots. However, we had some lightning so we had to go in. They were so sad, so we waited until it was over and then they had the best time running through the puddles. This was Charlie's first experience with rain boots and puddles. He loved it. They had the best time together!

Family pictures of vacation

2008-06-14T22:10:00.000-07:00

We had to get creative for a family picture. We started this last year on vacation and it turned out to be our favorite picture. So we did it again. Bart holds the camera out and we all have to try and fit in the picture. I think these took four tries, but once again....mission accomplished!

OH VACATION!!!

2008-06-14T21:48:00.000-07:00

Sam got out of school a little earlier than most schools so we took advantage of that and headed to Gulf Shores, Alabama for a little family time and relaxation. It was fabulous. It was nice to be just the five of us laughing and playing together. It is so rare for just the five of us to be together. The kids loved the ocean and the pool. Gracie loved picking up shells, Sam loved the waves in the ocean and Charlie enjoyed picking up sticks. Yes, he even found sticks on the beach. I hope everyone reading is able to get away for a little R&R with your family before summer slips away.

2008-06-13T07:29:00.000-07:00

Last picture of me and my brother. Christmas day 2003

SAD DAY!

2008-06-12T22:37:00.000-07:00

Well, I am back. Today my brother would have been 25. It has been almost five years since he left this earth to be with our Father in Heaven. I sure do miss him. My kids long to know him. They talk about him all the time and get angry that he fell asleep while driving because they will never know him this side of Heaven.

It has also been three weeks since Stephen Curtis and Mary Beth Chapman lost their little Maria. My heart is heavy for them as well. I understand their pain.

So, I ask for your prayers that healing would continue in our family and only begin in the Chapman family.

I am so thankful for the hope of the Gospel. Where would we be without it? I take great comfort in the following verses and thought I would share them with anyone else who may be hurting from the loss of a loved one.

Galations 6:2 - Carry each other's burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.

Psalm 34:18 - The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.

2 Corinthians 1:3-5 - Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. for just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows.

Have a Blessed Night.

STAY WITH ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2008-05-18T21:41:00.000-07:00

Well, the past two months have been a blur. I have traveled with my husband some and Sam has kept us so busy with school events and T-ball. I plan on posting as soon as kindergarten graduation is over on Tuesday. Then life should slow down a little. So, please check back in the next week for updated pics and posts. Thanks and have a great week.

Shannon

As I sit here writing, my two older kids are in my bed with 104 fevers. This always makes me worry when fevers get this high. Our youngest does not have this virus yet, but his little body cannot handle anything over 101. He will go into a seizure so I ask that you please pray for quick healing for Sam and Gracie and protection over Charlie. Illness scares me for many reasons. The doctors also say illness broke down Sam's pancreas basically so I struggle daily with fear of another child getting diabetes. I have to lay my fears down at Jesus' feet every time I think about it. Anyway, please pray for our children. We would appreciate it.

Charlie turns 2!

2008-03-31T21:55:00.000-07:00

Well our baby is officially a toddler now! (that makes me sad) Charlie Marshall turned two last Saturday. He loved his birthday and enjoyed singing Happy Birthday to himself. He is so funny.

Here is a a picture of him about to eat a cupcake.

Charlie's visit to ER!

2008-03-31T21:48:00.000-07:00

Our youngest son, Charlie, had a febrile seizure two months ago and I thought I would pass on some very helpful information to all you mothers out there with little ones. The ER doctors told me that febrile seizures are not always caused by high fevers. They can also be caused by a spike in fever. Charlie was fine at 4 pm and by 6:30 I was in the ER with him having a seizure. His fever was only 102.8 but went from 98 to 102.8 in a very short amount of time. They also told me that it could have been higher but was already coming down when he arrived. CRAZY! I never knew this was possible. I like to pass on this type of information so you can store it in the "if I ever need it " file. Charlie is good now thankfully. It was the scariest thing I have ever seen. They told me he could do it again with another illness but should grow out of it by the age of six.

2008-03-09T20:40:00.000-07:00

2008-03-09T20:37:00.000-07:00

Snow!!

2008-03-09T20:19:00.000-07:00

We finally got snow! The kids have never seen snow and were so very excited when they saw it on the ground. They prayed and asked God to please give them snow. When they saw the snow, all they could say was God answered my prayer. YEA! We were thankful for our one inch. It would have been nice to have a snowman but anything is good. WE ARE THANKFUL!!!!!

2008-03-06T22:24:00.000-08:00

Sam is interested in anything artistic. For example

he loves to draw, color and paint. He had his

first real experience with finger paint this

past week. ( I know you are shocked. I

am not a messy person and this project

is hard for me to do; but I DID IT for the

record.) He also loves his figurines and

Star Wars lego video game.

2008-03-06T21:40:00.000-08:00

Now Charlie is our little rocker. He absolutely

LOVES MercyMe and he is fascinated with the

guitar and watching daddy sing. He got to

experience his first concert a week ago and he

never took his eyes off the show. It truly is

amazing. He knows how to hold the guitar and

strum it and no one ever taught him. He just

did it. His favorite songs right now are Finally

Home and I Know. He can sing some of it by

himself and he wants it loud and no one talking.

Funny guy!

An inside look at the Millard kids

2008-03-06T21:35:00.000-08:00

Well, I thought I would let you see what the Millard kids are interested in these days!

Let's begin with Gracie, who is three now... She loves to dress herself and loves purses, jewelry and stuffed animals. Here she dressed herself for school. Way to go!!!

TV

2008-03-02T23:44:00.001-08:00

Bart and I are in a discussion that we are welcoming your opinion on..... Is it bad to put a TV in your child's rooms when they are little? At the bottom of this page there is a poll. Please take time to give us your opinion. Thanks.

My Kids

2008-03-02T23:14:00.000-08:00

Well, I love this picture of Sam, Gracie and Charlie. They have just started playing together and enjoying one another. It is priceless to see them together and my heart overflows with the blessings they give me.

2008-02-25T22:56:00.001-08:00

The pictures didn't post so I am going to try again. Here we go.