Don't give up on me! I am super busy with the JDRF Walk on September 26th. I also lost my mammaw this past week. So, I am in a hard time right now.

Please view my letter about the walk and Sam. We would love to have you join us September 26th.


Greetings from Bart and Shannon Millard and Mark and Jade Matlock


We hope you never find yourself writing a letter like we are writing you today. But the reality is the increase of children with type 1 diabetes is growing at an alarming rate. Every 30 seconds someone is diagnosed with diabetes. Diabetes is also the seventh highest reported leading cause of death. Overall, the risk for death among people with diabetes is about twice that of people without
diabetes of similar age. But look at those smiles, Sam and Skye are living positive healthy lives for now, and they need your help to keep smiling.

This year alone, we have come to know seven children in Hunt County with this debilitating disease. We’d like to ask you for your help to bring an end to what Sam, Skye and these other seven children have to deal with everyday and make sure nobody in your family or circle of friends has to worry about diabetes in their future.

Imagine what it was like when the cure for polio, smallpox, the measles and chicken pox were discovered. For many of our children they will never experience any of these diseases, but diabetes could still take them. We are close to having a cure and as parents we are doing everything we can to keep the researchers doing their job every day to find a cure for Sam and Skye and millions of others. Won’t it be exciting to find a cure and know we were able to play a part? Together we can help make history!

The first three years with this disease was challenging. It altered just about every aspect of our lives including church attendance, because his new schedule and the intricacies of balancing diet and insulin were laborious. During the three transition years we started to find our groove. We had learned our “new normal” lifestyle to a point where we felt confident in leaving the house for more than an hour. We did this for five years. Then in July, we began a new lifestyle once again with a new insulin. It’s been another adjustment. Living with diabetes can be a real drag. It never goes away and with an active child like Sam, it makes it difficult to control his blood sugar.

This summer before our insulin change, we took a family vacation to Colorado. We were so excited to “get away “, but quickly realized that the hardships of diabetes still come along on vacations. There is no “getting away”. Time zone changes, excitement and lack of exercise alter body chemistry and blood sugar. So, with theses obstacles in our way, we were faced with a few challenges. Sam’s blood sugar remained high the entire drive there. This means we had lots of potty stops and some aggressive behavior along with the normal every two-hour stops for snacks and food; all of which are not good for car rides. Our drive that should have taken five hours literally took eleven. We encountered some very frustrating moments. Sam has to eat every two hours, so every time we entered a town at the time he needed to eat, our only option was McDonalds. We could not sit down to eat because we were already four hours off schedule from our other stops. Even if we wanted to eat at a nice sit down restaurant, it never came at the appropriate time. We ate McDonalds a total of twelve times in seven days. Isn’t that horrible! Even the little kids were tired of McDonalds. We were so frustrated that diabetes was controlling our vacation and our food intake.
At the end of July, it was time for the change. We were now gaining some freedom in our lifestyle with this insulin switch. This meant we did not have to eat McDonalds every time we saw one because Sam had to eat right then. Now he could go longer than two hours to eat, he just could not go under two hours between meals and snacks. We thought this would change everything. It did help tremendously. However, I guess we subconsciously thought it was the answer to everything and there would be no more issues. Well, during the first week of school, we realized we were wrong. No matter what type of insulin you are on, you are going to have some down right dirty days. Sam had come home from school and was hungry. He ate some of his free foods and had twenty more minutes before snack number two of his day. When he came to me and I had to tell him he had twenty more minutes, all reason left his body. He fell on the floor kicking, and screaming and yelling at me. There was such anger as the words left his mouth. He screamed, “ You NEVER let me eat. You never give my anything. I AM HUNGRY! I just want a snack. Why can’t you just give me some food? You are so mean!” Now say that in the loudest, most angry tone you can muster up and that was Sam on this particular afternoon. I felt horrible for him, for me, for us. I kept saying, “ Lord, why? Why do I have to have so many battles with my child over food? “ I went to my happy place to protect my emotions and remind myself that this was not my Sam. He kicked and screamed and turned around on the floor for at least thirty minutes before falling asleep. These situations are constant, frustrating and make for a long and hard day for everyone in the family. Once Sam ate, he was back to the Sam we all know and love.

Living with Type 1 is more than just 4-5 shots through out the day and endless finger pricks to draw blood. It makes life frustrating (as if it isn’t frustrating enough.) It affects everyone in the family. It affects our everyday choices, our relationships with others, our schedules, our food choices, our family time, schoolwork, concentration, our relationships with each other and our emotions. However, we are so proud of Sam and his ability to manage his diet, let us know when his blood sugar is low, check himself and accept the responsibility and limits this disease brings with it. But that is a lot for a seven year old to deal with, and he knows it isn’t going to end any time soon unless we find a cure.

We believe in the work and integrity of JDRF, they love our children and they want to find that cure. Will you join us?

For the past few years we’ve joined to form the Sam and Skye Walkers, to walk for a cure to end diabetes. Here is how you can help.

We ask you to help us find a cure by sponsoring or joining us on Saturday, Sept. 26,
2009 at Granite Park at 5800 Granite Parkway, Plano, TX 75024 .The Sam and Skye Walkers raised $45,000 including 110 walkers by our side last year! We need your help to make an even bigger impact this year.

Your contribution might make the difference in the one research laboratory where “the cure” will be achieved!

Please join the Sam and Skye Walkers team and/or donate at
http://www.samandskyewalkers.com Everyone who signs up by September 9th to walk will get a free Sam and Skye Walkers t-shirt to wear the day of the walk!

If you prefer to write a check, make payable to JDRF - send to
The Sam and Skye Walkers, PO BOX 166317, Irving, TX 75016-6317.

Please forward this newsletter to your friends. You can also direct them to samandskyewalkers.com for more information. Please ask your organization for a company match for your donation.

Your donation could change the lives of nearly 3 million Americans
and save our kids. Thank you!

Blessings,

Mark and Jade Matlock
Bart and Shannon Millard

Summer Fun

We love low key summer swim days!!!!

It's been a while

Well, it seems like it has been a while since I have posted. We have been so busy with the daily summer fun..... workout, swim lessons, naps, some schooling, riding bikes and movie nights. I love summer. It is just a sweet time with family and friends.

WE had our JDRF kick off meeting to try and get everyone excited about the walk and raising funds and awareness for Type 1 Diabetes. The walk is September 26th in Plano if anyone is interested. We would love to have you! I had the priviledge of meeting two families who had just had a child diagnosed with type 1 in January of this year. My heart hurt with them as the tears flowed. I know exactly how they feel. I hope that Bart and I were an encouragement to them to see that it does get better, at least with how you deal with the situation. The night before the meeting I was walking around the house saying under my breath...:I HATE DIABETES!" So, every day is a new day and there will always be good and bad, but the Lord makes the days easier to deal with as the sun rises and sets every morning and evening.

Sam is doing amazingly well with the Lantis. At bedtime if he is high, he has to have two shots instead of one because we cannot mix the two insulins like before. He had never complained about it. THANK YOU LORD!

He is getting really excited about the walk coming up. I love to see the encouragement he receives from this event.

Sophie Kate is sitting up and trying to pull herself across the floor. She needs to slow it down. My sweet baby is growing up fast!
Gracie and Charlie are in swim lessons and today they finally accomplished putting their face in the water. They were so proud of themselves.
I know this is random but I have to be quick tonight. Sorry.

funny sayings

The kids have given boo boos a new name. The other day Gracie tripped and fell on both her knees. The next day she was looking at her injury and said, " I sure was lucky, I just fell and almost opened my blood holes again."

Last night the kids, my parents and I were at my G.G.'s house going through her things and seeing what we needed to get rid of. There was a large stack of books and I noticed Charlie looking at them. He picked one up, sat on the chair and begin to open it up and read to Gracie. He said, " Now, Jesus said..... he had a horse and we were going to ride it. Then Jesus said....." He went on and on and on. I laughed. One because of what he said and two because no one told him he was really holding a Bible. I love how he just assumes a book is the Bible. He is listening, even if it was about horses. Throughout the night, Gracie and Charlie took turns telling each other the words of the Lord in their version as they read and cooked. It was great!

Then on a sweet note, Gracie told me a couple of times while we were there, that it makes her sad that G.G. had to go to Heaven because she misses her. So, when she is crying, it is because she misses her and daddy when he is away.

On the way home, the kids asked me numerous questions about Heaven and the new earth. I LOVE THESE CONVERSATIONS. It is a great time and a scary time because my words are truth to them and I am laying a foundation for them. I pray I don't screw it up!

I LOVE how kids talk. They are such a blessing to me.

LANTIS

Ok so the "atlantis" as Sam calls it is going ok. His numbers are running way too high but people have told me it takes a while to get his body adjusted to it. It has been almost a week and Sam is handling it well. He is a little more hungry and trying to sneak here and there, but overall I am pleased. I can see where it is going to help his A1C (average blood sugar) and that is our goal. We want him to be level and not have lots of highs and lows. Sam's blood sugar should be around 80-150 with 150 being perfect. We rarely see that. Just to let you know, his blood sugar was 854 when we got him to Childrens at diagnosis. Thank you mom for saving his life. We were in complete denial and she noticed the signs and forced us to get him to the doctor. I am so thankful because I had no idea someone could die from diabetes. They said we were lucky.
SO, I was really nervous because our new insulin cannot be mixed with the other insulin Sam takes. This means we go from one shot to two shots at the same time if he is high at bedtime. Sam has not complained one time about it. I have been in complete amazement. I just knew I was going to get resistance. He is fine. I am so thankful for that little ray of sunshine in a confusing time.

A Hard Week

It has been a really tough week for me. I was just broken last weekend over my reactions to Sam when he is low/high or irritable and just with my role as their mother. So, after weeping for a while, repenting and surrendering some things to the Lord, I felt refreshed and forgiven. I have not felt that in a LONG time. I needed to do this in order to face this last week with patience and grace.
We started Sam on his new insulin (Lantis) on Tuesday night. It was not the best night to start because we were at the fair, but every night has a reason for not starting it so I just jumped in with both feet and said," here we go!" A praise would be that he said the new insulin did not burn, which lots of kids say it does. THANK YOU LORD! However, our new struggle is that Sam is sneaking food every once in a while or eating off his siblings plates when his is all gone. He just can't do this! Bart and I have been frustrated, but not as much as our hungry seven year old. His blood sugar is running in the 300-400 range most of the time and no matter what I do, it won't come down. I have no idea why!
We also allowed our kids to go to a Bible school at their grandmama's church because they love VBS. It was a complete nightmare for me. I went and talked to the snack ladies about what he could have and labeled everything, then left. Everyday when Sam got in the car, he would tell me what he had eaten at snack and it was never what I sent, or there was some extra snacks and much more than he could have (according to a seven year old). So, my instinct was to pull him out and not take him back, but he was enjoying it so much I hated to do that. I made it through the week but the whole time kept thinking, "oh yeah, we are not normal." I want to be normal. However, I know that God gave us this situation for a reason and I want it to glorify him so I need to be ok with not being normal. Really, were Christians called to be normal? I think we were called to be "not of this world" and yet we try so hard to be of the world because that is "normal." I have a lot to learn. Anyway, we survived the week. Blood sugars are high, Vacation Bible School is now over and it is on to the next thing. Thank you Lord for walking us through that week and for the hedge of protection over Sam.

A new side of Sam

So, Sam is growing up and becoming more independent. We are excited in some ways and concerned in others. We went on a camping trip this week with friends and some of the kids on the trip were not sure what Sam really had to live like. We had a couple of hard moments where I had to go to my happy place in order to make it through but we survived. Sam had a hard time with everyone eating more than he was allowed at snack times. It was hard to regulate his siblings to be "like him." Usually I only allow them to have as much as Sam can have. This saves many tears from Sam and frustration for me. However, when there are nine kids running around, it is almost impossible. My other kids would ask them for more food and they would be so sweet to share. Then Sam would come report and scream,"it's not fair! Everyone is so mean to me!" Then I would spend the next thirty minutes trying to talk him through it, only to see it end in him giving me a bad look and stomping off. So, the last day we were driving home from swimming in the lake and his new friend Caleb had a tub of pringles with him in the backseat. Now Sam had already had his snack but was still very hungry and I knew that. So, before I finish I knew exactly what could happen. I was just curious if it really would. Well I dozed off only to be awaken by Bart loudly saying, " are you sneaking pringles?" Sam was crouched down in the backseat having some pringles with his friend. Bart told him he could not do it. It would make him really sick. Then he explained to Caleb not to give him anymore. I know it probably hurt Sam. It hurt me. Not that Bart said it, but that he had to say it. Tears filled my eyes as I sat there thinking, we are repremanding him over food. Why does it have to be this way? IT is so hard! I think this is why we hardly branch out and do things with other people. It is just hard to start over. It is hard to explain and it is hard to face it again. When you are with those who know everything, you feel normal. WE like that. However, it is good to make new friends and the kids love it too. I just have to put on my armour as I enter the situation.

I worry about Sam. I see such anger in his eyes. I pray that he will one day understand that all those no's over food and time and situations and parties were just to protect him. I pray he sees the intense love behind it. Diabetes has stolen my unique bond I had with my firstborn. The day he was diagnosed (November 15, 2004) was the day part of Sam died and along with it our sweet bond). It is very difficult for me to think about. IT was replaced with be being terrified I would kill my son if I did the wrong food count or dosage of insulin. I would panic if he was around candy or cake. I have since calmed down over those things but as he ages, the anger he feels is applied to me. I can take it. I just miss our sweet times together with no boundaries, no "NO'S and no time frames. It was just me and him exploring the world and enjoying every carefree minute of it. I hope one day the light in his eye will return and he will be grateful for all we endured and went through with him.

Dear Lord,
Please help me replace anger with thankfulness, frustration with a sense of calm, bitterness with gratefulness, fear with trust, isolation with community and sadness with joy as we embrace each day's new challenges. Carry me through.
Amen.

Change is here!

I took Sam to his Children's checkup on Thursday. His A1C was 8.4 which was way better than Bart or I had anticipated. It was still in the "action suggested" area. This just means we need to make some changes. His ideal target range is 7.0 or lower. We have really slacked with Sam's management since my kidney stone trouble and Sophie's illness. To be brutally honest, we didn't even think about Sam's diabetes. WE just went about our day with as little thought about it as possible. I think we have been in a rut also. We have both slacked and given him things more often than we should that are not great for him. I think it is just to feel normal for a little while and pretend we do no have much to deal with.
Anyway, as of Monday night we will be switching to Lantus insulin. I am extremely nervous because when Sam was diagnosed, we had a week to learn. Thursday I got a 30 minute lesson and was sent on my way. YIKES! There is a lot more freedom to come with this schedule, which will be great for our family and hopefully our social life. Change is hard but exciting! I keep reminding myself that the Lord will not give me more than I can handle. I am just afraid the Lord might think I can take on a whole lot and I am not ready for that! Then I think of Matthew 11:28 and I love how the message lays it out......" Come to me. Get away with me and and you'll recover your life. I'll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me- watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won't lay anything heavy on or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you'll learn to live freely and lightly. "
I am in need of laying it all down at Jesus feet and resting with him. We can do this. I just pray it is an easy adjustment. Sam is a little nervous too about the new insulin. The doctor told him that it could sting. I think he has asked me ten times today about it and keeps telling me he does not want that. Please lift us in prayer as we begin a new chapter in our life with diabetes.

List of funny comments from kids

Yesterday the kids found a toad in the backyard. They brought it up to the garage and kept it in a rubbermaid container all day. At the end of the day I told them they should let him go because we had no food or water for him and he would eventually die. So, Sam decided to let him go (my tender hearted child). He let him out on the driveway and the toad just sat there. This is bad new with three little kids running around. Gracie wanted to ride her bike in circles around the toad and Charlie wanted to hit it. So, I explained to them that it was scared and they could accidently run over it if the toad decided to jump. So they decided to ride up and down the driveway next to it. As Gracie rode off, she said "bye bye froggie. Happy Mother's Day!" How random but funny!

Today Bart made the kids lunch and I made their drinks. I made them some strawberry kool-aid and when Charlie tasted it he said, " mommy, you are the best drinker in the world!" I usually get " you are best cook in the west." He is such a cowboy at heart. I love his sayings!

Then later in the day Gracie was asking me when we could go see sadrun again. I had no idea what she was talking about. After asking her probably ten times and her repeating the same sadrun word over and over. She finally expanded and said the big star in the sky we saw at Lost Pines! Then I realized she meant the planet Saturn. HAHA! The hotel had star gazing one night and they showed us the planet Saturn. Gracie loved it!

YUM! Green Beans!

Since Sam has diabetes, it is really hard to get the kids to try new foods. Food is the ONLY thing Sam has control over, as far as what he is going to put in his mouth. So, the thought of making my kids one plate of food and letting them go to bed hungry if they didn't eat dinner is out the window because Sam has to eat and has to eat a certain amount of food at each meal. I have become really frustrated by this and trying to figure out how to get them to eat healthier. So, Bart and I came up with a way to make them at least eat one bite. The new rule is you have to eat one full bite of everything on your plate before you can leave the table. It has been working and sometimes they actually like the new food. I think we are on our way to some variety!!!!!!

Now they have a new idea as well. They hold their noses while they eat the things they are not fond of. It works great and we are all happy.

HILARIOUS COMMENT FROM SAM

We decided the other day to let Gracie decide where we were going to eat. She is in love with quesadillas since discovering them at Taco Cabana on a vacation recently. We do not have a Taco Cabana so we took her to Taco Bueno. We were in the drive thru and we hear Sam in the background trying to pronounce a word. FInally, he said , hey I know what the name of this place is.... it is called "fuh jee tas". We laughed so hard! There was a sign on his side of the car introducing fajitas and he thought it was the name of the restaurant and that it was pronounced fuh jee tahs. It was really funny. We still laugh when we see the word fajitas.

VBS - June 3rd 2009

Summer is here and Vacation Bible Schools are popping up. I love this and want my kids to really be involved in VBS. I have so many amazing memories from these events. I usually stress about time table and snacks at these events with Sam. Well, once again, the Lord has blessed us with people who go above and beyond. Mrs. Rhonda went to Cosco and bought snacks for the event and she thought about Sam and his needs and got a snack that fell into his 20-25 carb count and then bought Crystal Light to drink. It was amazing to tell him to go to the snack table and pick out which annie bunny bag he wanted. Then he could go and get his own drink. FABULOUS!! It was a good night. There are not words to describe the joy this brings me when I do not have to offer an explanation for why he cannot have something or why it is not time for his snack. Then there is usually the explanation to the other kids on why they have to wait to make it fair to Sam, which we did not have tonight. It was just a good night. Thank you Rhonda.

Tomorrow I take Sam to his routine Children's check-up to see where his A1C falls for three months. It will not be good. He has been all over the place lately. He is up and then an hour later he will be low. This makes for a crummy A1C. (A1C is the average blood sugar number over a three month span) We will be switching to a new insulin in a few weeks. It is called Lantis. I am excited and nervous all at the same time. Please pray all this transition is a smooth one. I will update tomorrow. Nite all.

Blah!!!!

Well, here I am at 2:00 am and I just finished checking Sam. His blood sugar was 115 at bedtime snack so we thought he would go low during the night. He was in fact low with a blood sugar of 60. This is so hard for many reasons... 1) we have to wake him up to have fifteen carbs of sugar 2) we are now putting sugar straight on his teeth and then sending him back to sleepy land. This really bothers me. What happens when he loses all his teeth because we had to fix his blood sugar so much during the night? A small price to pay for life I guess. He handles it amazingly well. Half the time, he never really wakes up. He just eats what we give him and lays back down. AAHHHH! It just breaks my heart to sit and watch him eat four glucose tablets with his eyes closed; just chewing away. I am thankful it has become easier than it was when he was two. I have to find those positives! Well, I am exhausted and going to bed now. Just wanted to let you know what we Millards do in the middle of the night. Sweet dreams.

5-31-09 Blessed

Today I was blessed by my friend Amy. Her son was turning seven and they were having a swim party for him. We were suppose to drop our kids off and then pick them up later. I have never been able to do that with Sam due to his diabetes. I was a little nervous but not too bad. Amy and Bryan are dear friends and I knew they would take care of him. So, I sent his meter along with his list of "rules" for the party... when to check him, if he is low, when to recheck him and how much cake he could have and what time he could have it. All that good stuff! Amy was confident and I knew she would be great.
I never worried about him. I went back to pick him up and he was doing great. He had a blast. He had lots of exciting things to tell me. She had gotten him diet coke and water to drink. She had checked him and his blood sugar was 150 (perfect!) and had given him his piece of cake. All was well.
It was such a blessing for her to go above and beyond to have what Sam needed. It was so good to feel "normal" and not pack a big bag for him of "his stuff." We just walked in and off he went. I could have cried it felt so good.
Thank you Amy for allowing us a few moments of normalcy. It was just what I needed today. Thank you Lord for friends who go above and beyond to care for our son. Sweet gifts from the Lord.

Sam finishes First Grade

Sam has completed first grade and had an awards assembly today in his classroom. His teacher was handing out character awards. So, I went up there to take some pictures and be a proud mom. I had no idea what I was going to hear. Mrs. Simpson was amazing. She had a video of pictures with music of the whole year. Then each kid received an award for a character trait they displayed throughout the year. As she read each trait and then the scripture that went with it, I became emotional. I was overwhelmed with pride and thankfulness to be able to send my children to a school like this where the teachers are consumed with them knowing Christ. What a blessing. So, Sam received the award for self-control. On the back she wrote.." Instant obedience to the initial prompting of God's spirit. Galatians 5:24-25 " And those who are Christ's have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. If we live in the Spirit, let us also walk in the Spirit." I cannot express how proud I was of him at that moment.
I realized also, that he very likely would not receive that award if he didn't have diabetes. This is the one character trait we have focused on because without self-control in his life, he could kill himself with bad choices. There is one little "breadcrumb" for me today. I was thankful he had received something positive from type 1. He is a great kid!

Time to change!

As I sit here catching up on blogging and facebook and friend's lives, I realize that my life as far as emotions, feelings and thoughts have pretty much stopped since 2004. It was truly the hardest year of my life and it was so hard that I just shut life down as best I could. I just finished reading my friend Mary Beth Chapman's blog and feel the pain she writes about. It is the first anniversary of Maria's passing. Where did that year go? In reading her journal, I realize I have a lot of pain to walk through. I realize that I am paralyzed from lies Satan has crept in, doubt, unbelief to a degree. How did I get here? After my brother died, my moment of truth or lie came and I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that truth was truth. I still believe that 100%, but somewhere on the journey of grief, some doubt crept in. Hmm. Now what? I know that our days are numbered and I know God is sovereign. I know he works all things for good. However, as I have cared for a small diabetic child for five years now, this is where I have begun to struggle. My faith that was once so strong seems to have crumbled some. I never saw it leave, but as I look back, I have somehow allowed Satan to feed me some doubt which I must have sat and thought about long enough to where my heart and head are struggling to match up.
I can say now without a shadow of a doubt that my prayer for my brother was answered the day he left this earth January 3, 2004. I know that he had struggles that he could not win and my prayer was always to please heal him and make him whole. Well, he did. It just was not in my plan for his life. You see, I am learning daily that I need to give up MY PLANS and submit to the Lord's plan. I am thankful that he is whole. I miss him beyond words can express, especially when my daughter asks me to see a picture of him because she just can't remember him. Then when Charlie talks daily about the horses he loves and always picks the black stallion as his favorite.... a little bit of Chris is there. Mary Beth calls them her breadcrumbs and I love that! God gives me some all the time to remember Chris. I really feel I am healing finally for that. Yes there is always those days when it creeps back in and the sinful unbelieving thoughts of "it was my fault, or if only we had ...." come rushing in. However, I have to claim Psalm 139 during those moments.
My biggest struggle is walking down this road of a child with diabetes. We have a new normal lifestyle and it has invaded EVERY aspect of it. I am still extremely angry for being given this situation, however, thankful at the same time that it is a managable disease. I am thankful that he can live a fairly normal life. It is the small daily things that just wipe me out physically, emotionally and spiritually. When we have an argument over a juice box. I sit there thinking, " this is a juice box . I should not have my six year old on the floor crying because I have to tell him he cannot have one." When we are at a birthday party and he gives me that look of hope that maybe just maybe he will get a big piece of cake instead of a bite (with just a little bit of icing). It is not the food that is the issue. How many of us really need a big piece of cake? It is the emotional road it takes us all on of being different or singled out and to have no one like you anywhere to be found. As I type this it reminds me of the verse in Romans 12:2 - Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is - his good, pleasing and perfect will. I certainly need more renewing of the mind. I want to know his good, pleasing and perfect will for life with diabetes and with Him.
However, I have shoved the emotional distress that Type 1 Diabetes brings to me minute by minute so far down in the pit that I don't feel anything anymore. I have watched my relationships change with my children, my husband, my parents, friends, acquaintances, etc. There is an isolation involved that I just can't stand but somehow I put it there. A barrier of protection for me maybe. This is truly the hardest road I have ever been thrown on. I need an avenue to vent and this just may be where it all comes out. I apologize in advance, but I already feel better.
As for some encouraging words.... I can see God receiving his Glory through our hardships. Sam amazes me and I learn from him daily. His self-control is unbelievable. His understanding of his disease is slowly taking root and he handles it most of the time with such grace. Sam told Bart that he didn't know why his daddy was working so hard to find a cure for him because there were a lot of other sick kids out there in the world. WOW! Proud moment for us. What six year old has a worldview like that? What adult would say that? Out of all that came Imagine a Cure that we have started to help find a cure for type 1 diabetes. It also led to some discussions with Compassion Int. about adopting special needs children around the world. They had never really sponsered these kids. Within this last year, Compassion now has children with special needs available to adopt for eight more dollars a month. What a blessing to see that unfold. I am thankful to be a part of something much bigger than me and my six year old and his diabetes. Well, I could write forever but I am falling asleep at the computer. I will try and make this more organized but would like to take you on a journey of climbing out of the pit as I learn to unpack bitterness, grief, doubt, frustration, fear, and unbelief that diabetes brings with it.
For now, goodnight.

a couple more....

Touring with daddy

A couple of months ago, we decided to drive and meet daddy on tour. The younger kids have not experienced much of daddy's work. Sam had two years of traveling with daddy so we feel the others need to experience it sometimes. So, we went to Dallas. Then we met our dear friend Seth Montgomery in Louisiana. Whit had gotten sick and could not come. We missed her terribly. The kids had a blast together and here are a few pics of their good times. They ran all over the arena and apparently it is quite dirty because their hands and feet were black. YUCK!

The first pics are of the band kids and the crowd in Dallas. The ones following are in Louisiana.

Dove Awards

I love spending time with my husband and having a good reason to get a pretty dress.

LOVE THIS!

If Sam were old enough to use a computer on his own, he would kill me for posting this picture of him. However, he can't and I LOVE THIS! We had been discussing with him recently that it was not fair to his sister that they had to play Star Wars all the time when they were going to play together. So, we were suggesting he play dolls or dress up with her occasionally. Well, Bart and I were in a discussion when all of a sudden a parade of people came through the living room. I was crying I was laughing so hard at how funny they were and how proud I was of Sam. He is a great big brother!

Charlie's ear surgery

Two days before we left for Austin, Charlie had tubes put in his ears and had his adnoids out. We were nervous about him going under but he did great. He felt uncomfortable for a day but was back up and ready to go the next day. He talks softer now, which is very nice. He had failed his hearing test in both ears and had lost some hearing ability. Plus, he had multiple sinus infections and runny noses and ear infections. We are hoping those are all gone!

Last ones

More Pics!

AUSTIN, TX

We took a quick family trip to Austin. I desperately needed to get away.  The house and all the responsibilities were about to overwhelm me.  It was just what I needed.  I think the kids did too.  Enjoy the pictures.  Oh and I highly recommend the Hyatt Lost Pines resort.  AMAZING!

Gracie is funny!

On a lighter note, we were on a fun weekend trip to Austin this past week and ended up at Inner Space Cave in Georgetown on our way home.  Gracie and I both needed to use the restroom and they were so sweet to bless us with a sign on the door reading," sorry for the inconvenience but our septic system is under construction.  Please use port a potty."  I was sick. I just do not like those things and neither does Gracie. She is not sure of the blue water and no flushing is odd.  Anyway, when I explained to her (as she is crossing her legs in pain) that she had to use this awful thing, she started almost crying and said,"  I don't want to use the porky potty!!!!"  I truly almost wet my pants from laughing.  

Catch up!

Well, it has been a while since I last blogged.  So much has happened in the last few months.  Sophie recovered from RSV completely at the end of March ( Thank you Lord!), then my grandmother passed away March 21st.  After that we had the dove awards and then a big scare with Misti and her health scare.  Let me see.....  then I think Sophie got RSV again.  They did not test her because she is older, but I am almost positive it was and she just recovered from that last week.  I have come to believe that this is just the way life is as you get older.  I hear more of illness and cancer in people my age and it is quite scary.  Is it our American diets, something we breathe in the atmosphere?  It is becoming all too common.

For some reason death and illness have surrounded my life since 2004.  There has been a break every once in a while, but it has been pretty consistent.  You can see where our family has been when you listen to the music Bart writes.  Our journey in song almost.  As I encounter death and illness with family and friends I realize just how far I have to go in dealing with it all and working through it.  I think for five years I have dealt on the surface, but shoved the rest of the pain under the rug because I had three more kids since then.  There is no time for grieving.... I have a family to take care of.  Anyway, my mammaw is now dying of cancer and it is so hard to watch her slip away.  As I walk this road, I am reading Heaven by Randy Alcorn.  I constantly sit in amazement at what I have never learned about Heaven and life after this earthly dwelling.  If you have not read it, I highly suggest it.  The Lord is slowly teaching me that to hide the grief is only robbing me of the blessing of knowing him more.  I don't want to miss any more of those blessings.

Here is an insert from Beth Moore's Breaking Free Day by Day....

They will tremble with awe because of all the good and all the peace I will bring about for them.

Jeremiah 33:9

God does not minimize the things that break our hearts.  He is not looking down on us, thinking how petty we are because things have hurt us.  If we are so "heavenly minded" that we grow out of touch with earthly hardships, we've missed an important priority of Christ.  God left our bare feet on the hot pavement of earth so we could grow through our hurts, not ignore and refuse to feel our way through them.

So surrender your hurt to Him, withholding nothing, and invite Him to work miracles from your misery.  Be patient and get to know Him through the process of healing.

Dear Lord,

Please tear down bit by bit the walls of fear, unbelief, doubt, skepticism, apathy, pain and grief that I have encircled around me to keep me strong so that I may begin to heal and be blessed from all this misery.  Amen.

Funny sayings

Apparently Gracie is learning the parts of a book at her preschool. She was telling me about them last night and she told me about the title page and the front cover and back cover. Then she pointed to the spine and said" This is the sponge." I tried very hard not to laugh.

A couple of weeks ago Gracie was playing a game with her aunt Darcy. They made up a card game where you had to pick a card and tell where you wanted to go. So, the first card was drawn and Gracie said she wanted to go to Disney World. Then Aunt Darcy picked up a card and said she wanted to go to Bibbity Bobbity Boutique. Then it was Gracie's turn again and she said," I want to go to Heaven and be with Jesus and walk the streets of gold." Hmm. proud mama...... she is listening and soaking it all up.

I love how kids just speak their minds and have wonderful thoughts and questions. Where do we as adults lose our honesty and innocence?

Easter

We  had a quiet Easter this year.  I have a feeling they will always be this way now because are families are getting smaller (well my actual family is not).  It was tough because my grandmother died a month ago and my mammaw is not doing well either.  So, we went to my mom's house for lunch with my parents and Nana and Bob.  It was nice.  It was the first time we had been to church with Sophie due to illness and RSV.  Here are a few pics.

Gracie

The kids went to their Nana's to paint Easter eggs the day before Easter.  When I went to pick them up, Gracie looked me in the eyes and in a serious voice said, " I've been dialing eggs."  I had to turn around I was laughing so hard.

Potty Training

I have officially decided to work on potty training with Charlie now.  It is long overdue (on my part).  So, today I was at my bootcamp (workout program)  and my dad was staying with the kids. I came home and he was laughing and told me that Charlie went poo poo in the potty.  YEA!  We were so excited. The funny part was that Gracie went with him to cheer him on and then wiped him.  Oh I cried.  That is funny!

Grammys 2009

Back in February Bart was nominated for two grammys so we went for the weekend to LA.  I love getting dressed up and was very excited about this event.  Needless to say, neither Bart or the band won a grammy, but the show was great and we had a good time with friends.  

Charlie turned 3 !

Our little boy turned three Sunday and we had a big birthday party for him.  All he wanted to do was ride a horse.  So we broke down and got him pony rides for his party.  HE LOVED IT !!!!

He wanted to ride mystique and lady the entire time and not share.  They taught him how to tell the horse to go and stop.  He would hold his hand in the air and yell yee-haw everytime he came by us. It was great!  

Then today we took him to Glenda's for lunch and he told them that he had a birthday.  Towards the end of the meal he had the waitresses bringing him money for his birthday.  He made eight dollars at lunch.  He was not sure what to think of that, but loved it.  They were so generous.  We just laughed at him.